We’re blessed with the fabulous English language, and it sits at the centre of everything we say, to clients, colleagues and lovers alike.
So, think carefully about how you use the word ‘but’!
Imagine you are with a close friend, and he or she says I really appreciate you as a friend, I am glad we get to spend time together… and then pauses and adds …BUT…
Or someone says
You did a wonderful job with this… but…
I’m really sorry…but…
Our emotional response is to ignore everything that went before the dreaded ‘but’ and to focus on what comes after it – instinctively, we recognise that this is what they really think!
The word BUT negates or cancels everything that goes before it.
Managers use it when giving feedback:
You handled that wonderfully… but…
On the whole, your performance was good… but…
Spouses misuse it:
I love the way you touch me … but…
In each case, it is likely that the person speaking fully intends to be helpful or complimentary. But they then step on this verbal ‘landmine’ which then demolishes the effect they are attempting to create.
What to do instead?
Simply replace BUT with the word AND! Do it for just seven days, and it is likely that you will use it a lot less in future.
